Age

Information

Born in Scotland, not Chipping Sodbury

1

2

Learned to play a bright yellow violin

3

4

5

Attended primary school in the town of Wiltin-under-Buggery

6

Draws juvenile poetic inspiration from Alexander Pope 

7

8

Attended his father’s pro-

Wesleyan church wearing a pagan buttock-shaped mask 

9

Travelled Europe as a master of the violin, visiting Munich, Venice and Bologna

10

11

Educated at the Benedictine Downside School outside Bath

12

13

Repeats Newton’s experiments with lantern-born kites over Chipping Sodbury woods

14

Loitered about Chipping Sodbury with Edward Cowpox Jenner 

15

Revolutionised actuarial practice

16

Planted a field of daffodils on the Crassus Common which was later to inspire Wordsworth

17

Invented the beer pump

18

Invented the words 'bastard' and 'bugger' in his Gradus ad Oxoniam dictionary

19

Sent to Oxford and was sent down

20

Stage Manager in the production staring Miss Eurelia Herbaceous and put out an on-stage fire using 'recycled' drink

21

Admitted as a student at Gray's Inn

Opened a brothel in Boston

22

Ghost wrote 'The Rivals' for Richard Brinsley Sheridan which established a formidable theatrical partnership

23

Went to Saint Petersburg with Elisabeth Chudleigh, Duchess of Kingston and Countess of Bristol where he befriended Catherine the Great

24

Went to Calcutta and was friends with Warren Hastings, the first British Governor General

25

Creates the polymer Crabtree’s Dope

26

Used silk he had gathered during his trip to Calcutta to build a hot air balloon

27

Wrote a brief poem upon the death of Captain Cook that was discovered among Wordsworth's papers

Had a son called August Leopold Crelle with Mlle Lavalle that was given up for adoption in Germany and who went on to make a significant contribution to mathematics

Admitted as a Barrister at Gray's Inn

28

Joined the British East India Company and travelled to Italy to sample pizza for the company's franchise in China

29

Mastered the technique of tappen insertion for hibernating Russian bears

30

Established Crabtree and Hillier wine shippers in Orleans

31

32

33

34

Presided over the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia 

35

36

Travelled to the United States where his likeness to George Washington was so extraordinary that he was mistakenly inaugurated as the first President of the US and served two terms until 1797

37

38

Visited the newly independent United States

39

Became friends with Talleyrand in Orleans

40

Invented Camembert  

41

Established Oxford University’s first Don’s Performance Management Scheme

42

Researchers confuse Henry Crabb Robinson with Joseph Crabtree 

43

Persuaded a gullible public to invest in his alchemist’s stones

44

45

Planned to bring merino sheep to Australia but was thwarted by Captain Macarthur

Judged a meeting of the International Double Reed Society in Switzerland, where he determined that the German Faggott was superior to the French Bassoon

46

Arranged for the first wombat and platypus to be sent from Australia to the Newcastle Literary and Philosophical Society

47

Death falsely reported in the French Morning Post

Saved King George III's life by thwarting an assassination attempt at the Theatre Royal

48

Established a pattern of Crabtree Prime Numbers 

49

50

Became disillusioned with cider as a means to ensure the survival of the fittest and joined the Rechebites 

51

52

53

Clashed with NSW's Governor William Bligh

54

55

Became mentor and confidant for Arthur Wellesley, the future Duke of Wellington, with whom he planned the Peninsula Campaign against the hated Napoleon

Accepted a Chair at Vilno University

56

Begins writing erotic poetry

57

In Paris where he made significant contributions to pedagogy

58

Subjected to lexicographical castration 

59

Became a mentor for Michael Faraday

Performed as Cinderella at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane which inspired Dame Edna Everage

Became a member of Almack's under the patronage of Prince Lieven, the Russian ambassador to the Court of St James

60

Mastered chemistry and invented the oxy-acetylene torch

61

Linked to the Cave of the Fagotts

62

Fathered Ada Lovelace with Annabella Byron

63

Had a sex change

64

Elected as a member of White's Club

65

66

67

Published four original music compositions which became known to Mozart as The Curse of the Crab and which stuck in the mind and inspired many great composers

68

69

70

Founded the Athenaeum Club with the Duke of Wellington and Michael Faraday

71

Again cited as The Curse of the Crab, this time by Beethoven

72

73

74

Lied about his age to gain employment at the Bank of England 

75

76

Inspired and guided Charles Babbage as he devised his Difference Engine, establishing him as the true Father of the Computer

77

Was present at the first running of Stephenson's 'Rocket', where he determined the gauge for Brunel's Great Western Railway at 7 feet and half an inch (based on the length of William Huskisson's corpse and his top hat)

78

79

80

Introduced Ada Lovelace to Charles Babbage

81

82

83

84

85

Appeared in court charged with indecent exposure

86

Wrote a poem on the subject of Collins Street and settled at Lake Charliegrark in Victoria

87

88

Set sail on The Tasmania to Port Phillip

89

Was a notable lawyer in Port Phillip where he won a number of cases against Redmond Barry and appeared in the first criminal libel case in the colony

90

Journeyed to Hong Kong from where he sought to colonise the east coast of Borneo

91

92

93

94

Fathered Lotta Crabtree 

95

96

97

98

99

100

101

Wrote 'The Charge of the Light Brigade' and sent it to Lord Tennyson, who plagiarized it upon Crabtree's death